Forgotten
by StarFariey
Summary: After suffering countless bouts of depression and crazy, intense flashbacks of memories that aren't her own, Hermione feels trapped. Is the life of being best friends with Ginny and only knowing Harry from a distance really hers?
1. Prolouge

The old church had stood for over 100 years. No one knew the exact date of it but all they knew was that it was uncommonly dark. Some people said that it was the trees, but to those who knew, the church was dark in remembrance for those who were buried there. For the wizard community, this grave yard was the most historical place in all of England.

A man walked out of the shadows carrying a bunch of lilies. He walked briskly through the cold winter night, snow crunching at his feet. Wind stirred his black, messy hair and stung at his nose. The man shuddered and pulled his trench coat around him tighter. He was so close to seeing them again. Suddenly his shuddering wasn't from the cold.

A woman stepped out of the shadows the same way the man had, only she walked much quicker. The crunch her shoes made was much louder than the man's. She watched as he knelt in front of a grave and set the lilies down in front of it. She knelt down beside him and peered over his shoulder.

Lilly Evans Potter James Potter

30 January 1960-31 October 1981 27 March 1960-31 October 1981

The last enemy that shall The last enemy that shall

be destroyed is death be destroyed is death

"Harry," she whispered in his ear, "We should leave, they're going to find us here. We'll come back soon." She put an arm around him. His shoulders were shaking and she could feel him suppress sobs. "Oh Harry." She pressed her lips to his head.

"Hermione, I finally got to come back. I finally get to see them again. And it has to be like this?" Harry whispered. "Why can't I stay here till he finds me and then kill him? Why can't I finally get what I want?!" Harry pounded his fists into the ground, eyes blazing with emotion. He went silent for a bit and his eyes went soft again. "Why can't I just start my life with you?"

Hermione kissed him and looked him straight in the eyes. "Harry James Potter, I love you too much to let you stay here and get killed by him. You're not ready yet."

"Like hell I'm not!" Harry yelled.

"Well then Hell is right, Harry," Hermione said, her voice brimming with passion. "You need to kill the other Horcruxes before you can kill him, or he's never going to be gone." Hermione stood up and pulled Harry with her. Tears were threatening to spill from her eyes. "I want you to live Harry. You have to live for us. You're not allowed to just lie down and die." Tears had sprung from her eyes and were falling freely. Harry wrapped his arms around her.

"I wont. I'm not going to lay down and die. I'm going to fight. And you'll be by my side. I always want you in my life." Harry and Hermione turned from the graves and walked back to the shadows.

Hermione played with the ring on her left hand and sighed. Something was coming, and soon. She could feel it. And whatever that thing was. It wasn't good.


	2. Chapter 1

AN: Sorry about the headstones on Lilly and James' grave. Fanfiction wouldn't let me separate them. Oh, I don't think that I needed to but just in case. I don't own Harry Potter. I would love to so I could rewrite who ended up with who and so I could bask in the glory of J.K Rowlings amazing works, but I don't own it. Only the plot line from this story is mine. Right now the rest of this story is taking place 3 years after the prologue.

Hermione Granger was dying. Dying of frustration and boredom. These were the kind of days she hated. All night she had been dreaming of someone, someone who she felt she was connected with. All night she had tossed and turned, running after a dark, blurred figure. She never caught him. All she knew about him was that he had a pair of startling green eyes.

Hermione Shook her head and snapped out of her day dreaming. She was too practical to be daydreaming like a 14-year-old girl with a crush. Smoothing the front of her shirt. Hermione walked over to the time card machine. She was about to clock out when one of the nurses called to her.

"What is it, Hannah?" She asked kindly. Hannah Peawater was a small, shy girl who had only been working there for three months.

"Miss Granger, The patient in room 247 is screaming and we can't get him to stop. We need you to help us," Hannah meekly said.

Hermione sighed. She was never going to get out of there. All she wanted to do was go home and have Crookshanks curl up next to her while she read Hogewarts, a History. Without another word to Hannah, Hermione, while casting a few spells under her breath, hastily walked toward room 247. When she got there the patient, Mr. Dedaluse Armstrong was screaming and throwing things at the orderlies.

"Mr. Armstrong," boomed Hermione's voice. Almost at once everyone in the room went still. "Mr. Armstrong, I need you to keep still and quiet." Hermione held her hand out for the medication he was supposed to be taking. He had been attacked by Nargals- a surprising discovery that Luna Lovegood had made- and what had happened to him after that was anyone's guess. Hermione's guess what that the concentrated acid in the Nargal's saliva came into contact with his blood and drove him to near insanity.

Hermione slowly walked towards Mr. Armstrong slowly. "I need you to take this medication for me. Do you know what this medication will do?" Mr. Armstrong shook his head no and stared fearfully at the pills in her hands. "This medication will help you sleep and get better. What it does is boost the magic in you to help get rid of the Nargal infection. Do you understand?" Mr. Armstrong nodded and took the pills and swallowed them. "Thank you Mr. Armstrong."

"T-thanks…" came Mr. Armstrong's feeble reply. Hermione nodded and walked out of the room.

Once she had finally clocked out for the night, she apperated back to her flat in London and got things in order for her night in. She put some chicken in the microwave to cook, changed out of her nurses robes, and put some tea on to boil. Once she had finished her food, she curled up on her bed and started reading. It wasn't long before she started dozing off.

She was in a field. It wasn't a field she could remember. Wild flowers grew all around and tree's circled the field. A tent was set up in the middle of it. It was obviously a magical tent; it had a chimney, and looked to be two stories. She smelled cooking bacon. She instantly knew this was going to be one of the few times she would eat good food. She looked down at herself, she looked like she hadn't eaten in months. A tall figure stepped out of the tent. He had black, messy hair that swayed in the breeze, bright emerald eyes that burned with passion, a strong jaw, and a nice lean, muscular body. The man dropped the pan he held and dashed up to her. He took her in his arms and kissed her fiercely. Her pressed her so tight against his body, she couldn't breath. She felt a longing like she had never felt. She ran her hands through hair and pulled him closer to her. Finally the broke the lip-lock, both of them panting.

"I miss you Hermione. I wish I hadn't done it." He whispered, still holding her close.

"God, I miss you too. You have no idea how hard it is living without you. I'll always love you, Harry Potter."

Hermione woke with a start. That dream, what was it about? She didn't know the famous Harry Potter. Sure she had gone to the same school as him, but they never interacted. She had been good friends with Ginny Weasley, but that was as close of contact she had ever gotten to him. 

Hermione rubbed her face and got out of bed. She needed to stop drinking tea right before bed. It did things to her mind. She walked to the bathroom and washed her face. The cool water felt refreshing on her heated face. Why did she dream that? Surely her imagination was getting the better of her. She could never have a romantic relationship with Harry Potter. He was a world away. Hermione softly padded back to her bedroom and curled up under the covers. Crookshanks crawled up onto her bed and promptly fell asleep. Hermione stayed up for hours only to dream about a certain pair of green eyes when she did fall asleep.


	3. Chapter 2

Hermione was standing outside a castle by a lake

_Hermione was standing outside a castle by a lake. A warm summer breeze teased her hair and smelled lightly of flowers. The view was breath taking. Hermione instantly knew she was at Hogwarts again. A sudden movement caught her eye. The castle doors were opening. A blond haired boy with startling white skin exited from the castle alone. Hermione was instantly overcome with rage. Draco Malfoy was insufferable little git whose sole purpose was to torture any one who he felt needed it._

_The castle doors opened again to reveal a livid Harry Potter running at Draco Malfoy, his wand drawn. Hermione was too far away to hear anything but distant yelling, but from the looks of it, they were about to duel. Draco made a move for his wand but Harry beat him to the punch. Literally. Harry had reached out and punch Draco in the face._

Hermione woke up laughing. She didn't remember that ever actually happening, but it ever did it would have been great. She stretched and got out of bed. Very quietly, she grabbed a pair of clothes and enthusiastically walked to the shower. It was one of the very few times when she had woken up to find herself in a pleasant mood rather than feeling like she was going to crumble. She was humming a song when she remembered what day it was. Her good morning stopped there. How could she forget? Today was the day Ginny was come down to help her with her wedding plans.

After moving to Australia with her parents 3 years ago, Hermione had met a nice young muggle doctor. She didn't feel anything for him but total friendship, but he obviously wanted something more. They had gotten engaged 3 months ago and the wedding date was set for August 24th. Oh, she didn't love him, but she knew he was the kind of guy she could spend her life with very happily. His name was Jonathan Habbit. He did know she was a witch, it was kind of hard hiding it from him with how much he was at her house, and he loved her even more. After a few months of trying to convince him that she wasn't ready to get married, she finally caved and said yes.

Hermione shuddered at the thought of having to go around all day being dragged from one shop to the other, being shoved into dress after dress that was two sizes too small, and having her ear chatted off. Ginny had become a One-Woman-Wonder after she and Harry had broken up. She made it her personal goal to date every man in London. She also had the tendency to elaborate on all the dates she had been on.

After lingering in the shower a few minutes, Hermione changed into her clothes and made a cup of teat and toast. She was almost done with brushing her teeth when a loud "pop!" and an "I'm hhhhhheeeeeeeeeerrrrrreeeee!!" echoed through her flat.

"Ginny!" Hermione exclaimed and ran to give her friend a hug. Ginny was the only one she had remained in contact with since she left London, and that was due to the fact Ginny wouldn't leave her alone.

"Hermione my dear!" Ginny squeezed her tight. "I can't believe you're getting married in a few months. Oh my," she said looking at Hermione's hair. Hermione blushed and looked at the floor. "We have got to find a style that works with all the volume you have." Hermione and Ginny laughed. Suddenly, Ginny got serious. "How are those bouts of depression coming?"

Hermione turned away from Ginny and started towards the couch. "They're coming more frequently. And what's worse, they're accompanied by dreams, these crazy dreams that can never happen. I just had one about Harry Potter! I don't even know the guy, except for what you've told me." Hermione looked towards the window, wishing she was doing anything but this. Slowly, she took a deep breath and put on a happy face. "So tell me about what's going on back home."

"Oh… just the usual. No man can ever live up to the expectations I have, Ron's brought home another girlfriend, Mum misses you terribly and wants you to come back, Harry's gone missing…" Ginny picked at a loose thread on her pants.

Hermione's eyes became saucers. "Ginny, where did he go? Did he say anything to you before he left?"

Ginny's voice cracked when she spoke. "He didn't have to say anything." She shrugged. Hermione reached over and took Ginny's hand.

"Oh, love. I can't believe he would be such a jerk to you. After how you two broke up, you'd think he'd show some kindness to you."

"Oh… I shouldn't be this way," Ginny wiped at the tears in her eyes. "I wasn't really in love with him. I was in love with the idea of him. I always imagined that when we got together, there would be this hot burning passion that nothing could put out," Ginny shook her head. "It wasn't like that at all."

Hermione let go of Ginny's hand. She needed cheering up, so she turned to Ginny's favorite subject. "So tell me about Ron's new bimbo."

A few hours later, Ginny and Hermione were out and about looking at wedding dresses.

Ginny had been pulling her around town commenting every now and then on how Hermione looked "Thin" or "Emotionally Stretched Out". Hermione was starting to become agitated by the constant worry of her friend. When they were at the final dress shop of the day, Hermione was thanking god that she hadn't blown up at Ginny. She was casually thumbing through dresses when she saw a dress she thought she liked. She picked it up and went into the dressing room.

As she was dressing, Hermione caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Her brown eyes that used to be bright and full of life were now dull with dark circles around them. Her skin looked thin and fragile, and her hair was falling out of the bun she had placed it in. She looked like she had given up on life. She took a few moments to try and pull her self together. The worst episode that she had had was last night. An anxiety attack had come when she was reviewing her workload and had left her drained.

"C'mon, Hermione. Pull it together. People are relying on you."

When Hermione finally came out of the dressing room, Ginny gasped.

"Hermione, this is the dress," Ginny awed.

The dress was an off white colour, brining out what was left of the colour in her skin. It was thick strapped, v-necked and hugged her curves and the fell off of her hips. The layers of textured fabric gave the effect of an abstract waterfall. The dress was stunning on her.

Slowly, Hermione turned. All the dress assistance "Ohh"ed and "Ahh"ed at her. Out of the corner of her eye, Hermione thought she saw a tall dark-haired man looking at her. She shook her head and dismissed the thought.

"Alright everyone. I have one more dress to try on. I'll be right back." As she walked back to the dressing room, she couldn't get the thought of that dark man out of her head. She changed into her last dress. It was a pure white ballerina style dress. The dress was strapless, fitting her like a glove, and only went down to her knees. It flowed out at the hip, creating a bell shape.

She looked at herself in the mirror once again and was shocked. While the other dress made her look darkly beautiful, this dress made her looked like death warmed over. Red rimmed her eyelids, showing how she hadn't had a decent sleep in months. Her skin looked chalky and frail, almost blue. And her hair just looked frizzy. Once again, Hermione had to pull herself together to go out and show Ginny. As she stood up on the pedestal, Ginny gasped.

"Oh, Hermione," Ginny seemed to be in total awe. She got up and walked over to Hermione and turned her to the mirrors. "You look so… beautiful. Like a beautiful broken doll." Tears sprang to her eyes.

Hermione couldn't see it. She looked and felt like death warmed over. Slowly, she turned her head and saw the dark man. She couldn't see his face, but she could tell he was staring with such intensity that it made her want to break.


	4. Chapter 3

Hermione woke with a start in the middle of the night. Beads of cold sweat trailed down her face and neck, making her shiver. In the room across from hers, she could hear Ginny snoring in her sleep.

Hermione shook her head and tried to remember what had awoken her.

_Bellatrix's face hovered over her while sweat stung her eyes. Harry and Ron had been taken to the basement by Greyback. _

"_You're going to tell me everything you've done in the past months," came her deceptively sweat voice. Hermione spat in Bellatrix's face._

"_Never," Hermione's breath came raggedly. She could feel Bellatrix's nails digging into her scalp. She was pushed to the floor. _

"_Filthy Mudblood!" Bellatrix screamed. "What is Harry Potter's plan? Crucio!"_

_A long, drawn out scream came from Hermione's lips. When the pain stopped, she took a shuddering breath. Her throat felt raw, and every muscle seemed to be on fire. "I… will never… tell you," came her reply._

Hermione shuddered. Why was she having these dreams? Hadn't she and Ginny gotten pulled out of Hogwarts together to be sent to her Aunt Muriel's? She thought back to being taken out of Hogwarts and found that the memory was very faint, almost nonexistent. In fact… she could hardly remember 7th year of Hogwarts.

Hermione grabbed her head as a headache took hold. She gritted her teeth as she felt her head being pounded on from the inside. She threw her head back onto the pillow as pain enveloped her. Her vision went dim and white spots danced in front of her eyes. Hermione threw her head back and let out a silent scream as a memory took hold.

_Winter had seized the valley they were in, making the night hell. The freezing temperatures had turned everything to ice; even the dead grass they walked on was slippery with ice. Hermione had taken a run earlier to fetch more firewood, almost freezing her arse off. She sat in front of the fire she had made and stared at the book in front of her. She couldn't get herself to concentrate. Her mind drifted to her situation and tears welled up inside. Harry hadn't spoken to her since he had asked her to stay. He barely looked at her. Ron had left, not even willing to try and stick it out for her. Just a few weeks before, he had told her for the first time that he loved her. And now he wouldn't even try for her? She felt like a freak. _

_Harry burst through the door, startling Hermione. He stumbled his way to the center of the floor and fell to the ground. Hermione shrieked and was instantly at his side. _

"_Harry! What happened?" She grabbed at his shoulders and forced him to look into her eyes. That's when she noticed his shoulder out of place._

"_I fell," was his only response._

_Hermione stared at him for a second, complete horror on her face. She had to put it back ._

"_Harry, this is going to hurt a lot. But if I don't…" She trailed off and saw the look of understanding in his eyes. He shifted his weight and Hermione grabbed his arm. Counting in her head, she briefly wondered if it would work. When she got to one, she yanked his arm out and back into place. A sickening crack accompanied the motion. Bile rose in the back of her throat, and she ran outside and promptly attempted to extract what little she ate that morning._

_Hermione came back inside after a moment, and saw Harry hadn't moved from his place on the floor. Hermione knelt next to him and gently ran her fingers through his hair. Harry turned to her and bore his bright green eyes into hers. _

"_Thank you, Hermione. I don't think I'd be able to do this without you," harry said, gritting his teeth through the pain. _

_Hermione looked away from him, trying to get her emotions under control. This was the most human contact she had had for months. "Anything for you Harry."_

_Harry struggled to sit up. When he did, he put his arms around Hermione in an awkward embrace. When he moved to pull away, Hermione clung to him._

"_Please, don't pull away. I need this."_

When the memory receded, Hermione could see straight again. The pain was gone and she was suddenly aware of her hand being held. Ginny was by her side, holding her had. The haze of the headache hadn't faded but she was slowly coming out of the fog her brain was in.

"What are you thinking?!" Ginny was speaking tersely into her cell phone. "No, I don't care. You knew what you were getting in to. You can't go back on it." A long pause greeted her. "Look, you knew what you were getting in to when you put the spell on her. No going back." Another pause, "You can't take the spell off Hermione! It getting weak is already having side effects." Ginny stiffened, "Fine," she sighed. "Call me when you're here." She snapped her phone shut and turned to Hermione.

"What is happening to me, Ginny?" Tears streamed down Hermione's face.

"I wish I could tell you. But I can't. The one who can is coming." Ginny let go of Hermione's hand and walked to her room.

Hermione got out of bed and sluggishly made her way towards Ginny. She was almost over the attack of before.

"You can tell me this; are my memories my own?"

Ginny stopped but didn't say anything.

"Am I truly going crazy?" Hermione yelled. "I feel like I'm losing my mind!"

"You're not loony. You're just remembering," Ginny turned towards Hermione. The dim early light didn't have enough strength to show her face.

"I want you to tell me, Ginny. Not someone else who I don't know. I want it to be you."

"I can't. They made me swear a blood oath,"


	5. Chapter 4

Disbelief washed over Hermione. "A blood oath?" she stammered. "You've got to be joking!"

Ginny walked over to Hermione's bed and sat on it. "No, I'm not. I can't even tell you more. Only he can. And don't ask me what his name is, its part of the oath."

Anger washed over Hermione. "Are you kidding me? You take my memories and then say you can't tell me anything?! You can't even tell me about my own life? Hell, I'm not allowed to remember my own life?!" Finding strength, she went to her dresser and started pulling out clothes and throwing them on her bed.

"What are you doing?"

"Leaving. I can't stay here if what I think is my whole life has been a lie!" She reached under her bed and pulled out her suit case. She shoved her clothes into it and went to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. She was going to be sick. She grabbed the edge of the sink and kept herself from throwing up. Thoughts swirled through her head. How could this happen? Why did it happen? What could have prompted her to have her memories sealed away?

"Hermione!" Ginny banged on the bathroom door. "Hermione come out of there. Don't do this. Everything in the past three years has all been real!"

Hermione yanked the door open, the toiletries in hand. "Past three years? So that's when I had my life stolen? Good to know!" She shoved past Ginny and threw her items in her bag.

"Where are you going?" Ginny stood in the doorway.

"I don't know."

"I'm going with you."

"No." Hermione turned around and faced her friend. "Really, you've already done enough. If everything has been a lie, I'm not staying. I need to figure it out." She grabbed her suit case and walked towards the dinning room.

"It's only going to get worse." Ginny ran after her.

Hermione stopped. "What?"

"The seal, that's been placed on you. It's breaking. The pain of the memories is only going to get worse, as is the frequency. Soon you will be immobilized by pain and flashbacks."

"How do you know this?"

"I've been studying the seal for that past two years. I've read almost every book on memory suppressing. I know what's going to happen now that..." Ginny stopped herself and shook her head.

"That? Now that what? You were about to tell me his name, the one who put this on me. Tell me!" Hermione dropped her bag and grabbed Ginny. "Tell me who he is. He has to have been important to me, but I can't remember. Please." Hermione choked on her tears as she pleaded.

"I can't!" Tears ran down Ginny's face. "I can't tell you, it'll kill me. It already hurts so much; like a knife slashing inside me." Gritting her teeth, Ginny turned her head away. "But I will tell you this. You know him, really. You just can't remember it." She shuddered as pain washed over her. Hermione took her hands off of her friend and backed away.

"Ginny, you've always been my best mate. I know that, at the very least. Please, let me figure out who I am." Hermione grabbed her wand and apperated leaving Ginny alone at the apartment.

* * *

Hermione gasped as she popped onto the street. Emotions ripped at her, but she wouldn't allow them to show. She had arrived at the end of the street of what she thought was her childhood home. Crisp night air rushed around her face as she walked down her street. She stood outside of the house, her hands resting on the gate.

"Are you even my childhood home?" she asked to the night. Her memories of this place rushed back to her, full of happiness and colour.

"Yes… yes you are." She remembered playing outside the house with her dolls. She remembered how if she stepped through the front door, a stair case would greet her off to the left and through the hallway would lie the kitchen and dining area. Upstairs, there would be a long hallway that would open up to a huge entertainment room. In the hallway there would be three doors on each side. The first door on her left would be her room. The first door on the right would be her father's study. The second door on the left would be the bathroom. The door adjacent from it would be her parent's room. The last two doors in the hall would be her mother's study on the right, and the guest bedroom on the left. Yes, this memory was hers, not a fake. She looked into the front yard and saw a "For Rent" sign. Tears welled up in her eyes as she wrote down the number.

Slowly, she walked down the street to the nearest motel.

_

* * *

_

Bellatrix's face loomed over her as sweat ran down Hermione's face. She was filthy, bloody, and hurt all over.

_"I'll ask you again, mudblood, what is Harry Potter's plan." Bellatrix's high child's like voice clawed against her nerves. When she didn't answer, Bellatrix's face contorted with fury. "You will pay for you're silence. Crucio!"_

_Her every nerve was on fire. Little needles stabbed all over her body her bones grinded against each other. She tried to keep the scream trapped in her throat. Finally the pain stopped._

_"How did he get that sword?" Ballatrix's face was right in front of her._

_"You and yours can go to hell. I'm not saying anything." Hermione wriggled her tied hands behind her back. The ropes were digging dangerously into her wrists. _

_"Fine, be that way. It'll be your life in the end."_

_Fire and pins erupted all over again as Bellatrix cursed her. Her throat burned as she let out the shriek she had been holding back. _

Hermione woke with a yell. Sweat soaked her bed and the sheets were twisted wickedly around her. The air around her was hot and sticky. It's how it had always been during the summers of England. She peeled off the sheet and walked to the bathroom sink. She splashed tepid water on to her face and looked around her room. The motel she was staying at was dimly lit with flickering lights. The walls were a once a bright green that had faded to a puke color. The carpet was littered with god knows what, and she didn't even want to think about what was on the bead spread. She looked at the clock next to her bed and sighed; it was only 5.

After changing into her day clothes, Hermione packed up her bag and checked out of the motel. If she remembered correctly, there was a 24 hr breakfast place near by. Dragging her single bag behind her, she headed off in that direction. Few cars passed by her on her way to the restaurant. Her lonesome steps reverberated off the houses around her. Suddenly, a second pair of steps joined her. She looked behind her and saw a dark-haired male following her. Chills that were at odds with the warm summer air erupted over her body. She quickened her pace, hoping to put more distance between them. She could see the lights of the diner up ahead and it took everything she had not to run towards them. The steps behind her quickened.

When she got to the door, she ripped it open and dashed inside. The lone waitress looked at her confused for a moment.

"Can I help you?" she asked.

"Yeah, I could really use some strong coffee right now." Hermione shrugged her way into one of the booths and looked out at the road she had just been on. The tall dark haired man was no where to be found. She thought she was going crazy. She was so lost in her thoughts, that when the waitress set her coffee mug down, she jumped.

"You're a skittish one tonight. Is there anything else I can get you right now?"

Hermione stared at the coffee in bewilderment for a moment and then looked up at the waitress. "No… I think I'll just have the coffee for now." The waitress walked away leaving her to her thoughts. Slowly sipping the bitter coffee, her thoughts went back to the man following her. He seemed familiar. Like she knew him, but she didn't recognize him. If only she had seen his face! When she tried to match his silhouette to any of the men she remembered, a sharp pain started in her left temple. This pain was similar to what she felt when she was having flash backs. Could this man be connected to them?

Hermione was startled out of her ravine by the bell on the door announcing another customer coming in. Shaking her head, she looked at her watch: 7:30. It was time to rent out her childhood home.


	6. Chapter 5

Hermione stared at the phone with dread. She knew it had to be done. After a tearful conversation with her parents (it turned out they had never sold their old house) she was finally staying in her home. Her parents had agreed to go to her flat and mail her the contents of her life. Ginny was adamant about finding out her location, but her parents had stuck to their word; they told Ginny to get out. In a week, her place would go back up for sale, and then she would completely go back to living in England. It surprised her how desperately she wanted to live here again. There was a deep drive in her to find out who she really was.

The soft bed underneath her called out to her to go back to sleep. She had woken up early so she wouldn't be calling the recipient in the middle of the night. She really didn't want to hurt him, but by running away she knew she already had. He was one of the last ties to Australia she had to break. She couldn't get married not knowing who she was, or even if she loved him.

She had to call Jonathan.

Resigning herself to a very uncomfortable phone call, Hermione picked up the phone and dialed his number.

"Dr. Habbit," Jonathan's deep voice echoed across the wires.

"Jonathan, its Hermione. Are you busy?" Her voice shook as she spoke.

"Hermione, god I've been so worried about you. Of course I've got time to talk with you. Ginny called me frantic because you just disappeared on her. What's going on?" She could imagine him sitting at his desk at his home, pushing away some papers.

"Jonathan, you know I haven't been happy. And then… Ginny came and let it slip that… Oh god, Jonathan, three years back I had my memories sealed away. I really don't know who I am. I don't know anything that is real. I don't know when they started sealing my memories away or why. I don't know anything," sobs shook her chest keeping her from continuing.

"Hermione… What are you saying?" She heard his glasses clunk onto the desk underneath him.

"I don't know anything Jonathan. I only know that… I can't get married to you when I don't know who I am. I can't put you through that, let alone myself. I'm sorry."

"Hermione, please, don't do this. We only have three more months until the wedding. You don't have to do this on your own." He was crying now.

"Yes I do. I have to do this on my own or… I'll never know if it's truly me. I'm so sorry."

"Oh, Hermione. I wish you wouldn't do this. I love you, though. I always will."

"I know. I love you too. But I'm finding myself here. I'll let you know how it goes," and with that, Hermione hung up. She succumbed to the pull of the bed, lying upon it weeping. After a few minutes, she fell into a fitful sleep.

_The evil man stood in front of her, his read eyes aglow with triumph. Pain and anger ripped at her insides. _

_"That's right! He's dead! I killed him myself. Now no one can stand in my way from being the world's ruler!" Voldemort's voice rang out over the school grounds. _

_Hermione gasped as the pain took hold of her chest. No! It couldn't be. Not her Harry. She looked to Ron, who was lined up beside her._

_"Hermione, tell me it isn't so." Ron's horror-filled eyes locked onto hers. _

_"There's no way he would do this, Ron. Not to you, not to me. He's going to come back. He can't leave me here like this all on my own. Not after what I've done for him, what I've felt. _He will come back_." _

_Spells and fighting erupted around them. The whole field was a block of mass chaos. Dread knotted up in Hermione's stomach as she saw the Crucio curse being shot at her. The pain started all over again._

Hermione sat straight up in bed. Not another one! Sighing, she let the void in her heart take over. There was nothing she could do today. She had no energy, no will. It even hurt to breath. She laid back down and let tears of despair wash over her.

* * *

Her feet pounded on the pavement. After a day of being in bed, she had to get up and get rid of her pain; running seemed like the easiest way. The methodical pace of running helped get her frustrations out and kept her mind from thinking the dream the other day. Despair still ripped at her chest, but she couldn't let that take over her life. Quietly, she counted her steps as she ran.

'_One, two, three, four,'_ she would count to twenty and then start over. The counting helped her mind focus on her running and her running only. When she got to the edge of the park, she stopped. This was her turn around point. She was walking around doing her cool down when a loud crack shattered the early morning atmosphere. She looked behind her and saw him. It was the person who was following her the other night.

He was in the process of trying to smooth his messy black hair that she knew would never obey his wishes. She remembered his lean body, built for speed. He was still wearing clothes that were two sizes too big for him. He hadn't turned around to see her, but she knew what she would see when de did; a set of piercing green eyes that could cut through her defenses and see down to her very soul.

She took two steps away from him even though he was already five feet away from her. One word escaped her lips, "No."

He seemed startled at hearing someone. Quickly he turned around.

Hermione was frozen. She mind told her to run, but she couldn't. He started approaching her, torment in his eyes.

"Oh god, Hermione." He stopped a few paces away from her.

Pain erupted in her skull as a memory took hold.

_Anger bubbled in the pit of her stomach. She stormed through the halls of the castle knowing he was following her. She didn't care. She didn't care if she ever saw him again. _

"_Hermione! Wait up!" He was running to keep up with her. But she didn't care. She shoved the doors of the castle out of the way and kept walking towards the lake. _

"_Hermione! Stop!" Harry yelled._

"_What!" she turned around._

"_Please, just let me explain. I didn't mean to-" _

"_Didn't mean to hurt anyone? Well guess what Harry, you did. You chose that little slut over me," Hermione turned around. "You fuck-"_

_She was cut off by Harry's lips over hers._

"_I didn't choose her over you. I was trying to tell her that it wasn't going to happen when she started kissing me. I love you Hermione. I would never choose any one over you. I love you."_

His face slowly came back into her vision as the memory faded. "God damn it Harry Potter." Tears prickled behind her eyes, but she would not allow them to fall.

"Hermione? Are you ok?" His hand was on her shoulder. She shoved it off.

"No, I'm not ok. I'm bloody miserable." She turned away from him.

"I never knew it was going to be this painful. If I had known-"

"It was you?" she was stunned for a moment. "You took everything! Everything that I held dear is now locked away. Everything we had! I was supposed to marry you! We were so happy!" Harry tried to touch her again and she tensed up, determined t get away this time. "Don't touch me!" she spat at him. "How could you?" She turned and fled.


End file.
